The day that George and KM broke up, we were on vacation together. KM and I retired to the tent. As we lay there KM said that she wanted to focus her attention on her budding relationship and on our relationship. She said she wanted to be with me. As George imagined our love making, KM rolled over and started texting her new man. So much for focusing on our relationship. The following few days, she was very cold to me. She sat at her computer giggling and laid on the beach with her phone, tapping away.
After returning home I didn’t hear from her for days and days. Then I heard from her. She wanted to retrieve her bike that she had loaned me so that her new man could ride it. She had keys to our house so came when we were at work. I noticed that not only did she retrieve her bike but also any other remnants of herself including her overnight toiletries. Even though she knew that George would be out of town for a few days, I was surprised that a sleepover with me wasn’t thought of. We talked but she said she was staying home.
Next came a phone call late at night. She was on her way to the hospital having taken a bad spill on her bike. As George and I sat poised to run off and meet her and care for her, she simply said she wouldn’t be able to tutor Kid #2 the next day. She said she was fine and that her new man was there.
Through the fog of her painkillers she told me how well taken care of she was. I used to be the one she called to for help. All the times she cried in my arms and I saw her through her daemons, flashed before me. I could only assume she no longer needed me or wanted me.
After about a week of healing she said she would like to see me. I went to her house and found her badly scraped and bruised with a fractured arm and a badly sprained ankle. There was no hugging or holding … she was fragile. She told me that she had been with her new man pretty much every day and that he was coming over in a little while. She told me that he was now her primary relationship and that he is not Poly but he didn’t mind that she continued to see me.
A week later I was invited over to see her. Again she said she had been spending all of her time with her new man. She told me that he suggested that we see each other on Tuesdays. A regular date night.
She wanted to do pedicures and asked if we could go to my house so she could put on one of the OPI colours I had. She assured me she was comfortable seeing George. What I noticed next was how she changed her clothes and put makeup on. I could only assume it was for him. For me, I got the cat hair infested clothing and pimply face. Maybe I should have felt honoured that she was comfortable enough with me to be so plain and natural. I really didn’t notice at the time. This has all come to surface after looking back.
Shortly after arriving at my house, George and KM slipped out onto the deck to talk. I was more and more suspicious that she had planned this already. I felt uneasy. At one point in the evening she reached out to touch me, pulled back and apologized. It was the first time in awhile that she had shown any interest in me in a physical way, and she was apologizing. I felt uneasy.
I very much enjoyed spending time with her. She makes me smile. I love being with her.
I thought and wondered what was going on with us. I went from being her primary support, her primary relationship to being designated a Tuesday-worthy date. To top it off, the Tuesday date was suggested to her by her new man. I started reflecting on the past month and how I had been brushed aside. It seemed that my feelings didn’t matter to her anymore.
I have never been the type of person to stick around in a relationship or friendship that is not real and true. When I looked at my family and saw how much they adore me, I realized that she no longer looked at me that way.
I sent her a message the following day saying that my time is precious to me and that I didn’t think that being relegated to a Tuesday date was very respectful of my value as a friend and lover (although I hadn’t been the latter in some time). I offered friendship if she felt she wanted that but no obligation to see me.
Since then I have not heard a word from her. I sent several messages and haven’t been given the decency of a response. I did however hear from a friend of hers who had a list of things she wanted returned. Several of those were ‘gifts’. I was shocked that she completely cut me out and refused to speak with me.
I have since moved on. I no longer wish to speak to her. She has shown that she is full of anger and has no desire to heal.
This blog is the last I will ever recall any of the difficulties in our relationship. I love her still and only wish her the best. I will only recall sweet memories of us together.